dinsdag 2 september 2008

Het universum, doorgrond

Vandaag de gebruiksaanwijzing. Al die regels die ze je vergeten mee te geven en die je gissend en missend gaandeweg zelf moet leren. Nu niet meer: zo meteen even uitprinten, opvouwen, papiertje in de handtas of portefeuille. Nooit meer de draad kwijt: het universum, doorgrond.

General Rules and Laws
Abbott's First Admonition
If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know.

Abbott's Second Admonition
If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question.

Rule of Accuracy:
When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.

Ade's Law:
Anybody can win - unless there happens to be a second entry.

Anderson's Law:
I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.

Army Axiom:
Any order that can be misunderstood will be misunderstood.

Baruch's Observation
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

Bombeck's Rule of Medicine
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Calne's Axiom
When all else fails, read the instructions.

Arthur C. Clarke's precept
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Colvard's Logical Premise
All probabilities are 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won't.

Epstein's Axiom:
With extremely few exceptions, nothing is worth the trouble.

Fett's law
Never replicate a successful experiment.

Finagle's Creed
Science is true. Don't be misled by facts.

Flugg's Law
When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of nylon, plastic and aluminum.

Fresco's Discovery
If you knew what you were doing you'd probably be bored.

Fudd's First Law of Opposition
Push something hard enough and it will fall over.

Hofstadter's Law
It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account.

Lane Hurewitz's Memory Principle
The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to ... to ...

Mathis' Rule
It is bad luck to be superstitious.

H. L. Mencken's Law:
For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.

Morton's Law
If rats are experimented upon, they will develop cancer.

Parkins' Premise
Anything that happens enough times to irritate you will happen at least once more.

Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning
It's on the other side.

Slick's Third Law of the Universe
There are two types of dirt: the dark kind, which is attracted to light objects, and the light kind, which is attracted to dark objects.

Socio-Genetics: First Law
Celibacy is not hereditary.

Nog meer Universele Regels en Wetmatigheden, hier. Met dank aan lezer dk. uit N., die trouwens nog een uitermate nuttige metaregel meegeeft: when in doubt: mumble. Helpt altijd.

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